It happened fourteen years ago, but I believe this was a moment where time ceased to exist. Besides this, what happened was so beautiful that it is still ahead of this time, especially because it took place in Portugal. My son was indeed a very special being for having manifested this:
"We were going to move to a new home… after three
years at my parents’ house I finally had Peace, Humility and in a
moment of deep anguish I asked my father to support us
materially. I could no longer stand the environment at home… an energy
of constant challenge when João Mateus and I just wanted Peace. From
that moment of deep humility that we were at Peace, I no longer reacted to the need of criticizing and blaming to
obtain energy and dominate the space at home. I also felt like I had
already learned what I needed from them. The last three years had been a
time of deep self-analysis and healing.
But a part of me knew that something wasn’t
right with this change… I was starting to schedule things in my diary
again and, as I was writing them down, scheduling the
future, a voice kept saying “this isn’t right”, but I just ignored it. I was doing
my best. In my
case, I needed to make a lot of mistakes, suffering a lot to get to
the point of accepting them as part of being human, and to realize that I really am always
doing my best. That I also need to take it easy. And I was taking it
very calmly. With lots of Love and awareness but still doing too much. Still wanted to lead my life too much. Still needed to deeply believe that changes would happen. And at the
same time, I was in a state of grace many times. A lot of learning in
recent years. A lot of suffering. And recently a lot of genuine
understanding.
I remember that on the morning the
accident happened, I had sung “Amor, I Love You” in response to a comment
from Albertino (my father). And my thought was “Woooow, miracles are really
possible”.
Also that week I had commented to
Rosarinho (the woman who gave birth to me) and Albertino “You have no
idea how different we all are… if we had a video of us three years ago, it
would blow our minds!”
For a few months now, everything I did for my parents I dedicated to God.
In the two weeks before the accident,
João Mateus and I took the ferry from Trafaria to Belém practically
every day. What peace… how affectionate, carrying João Mateus on my lap
on the journey to the other side. And how fun and simple it is to look
at the seagulls, the water bubbles and the crystal-clear colored foam,
to see the boat’s crumpled tires, “so as not to hurt the boat when it
arrives at the dock”, I said to him.
Rosário was the one taking us to the boat, by car, and in the last two days João Mateus said “I
want to go to paradise with Rosário”. Last week he had said this in
relation to Albertino. Paradise was our destination, sometimes in the
toy cars at the playgrounds – João Mateus was the one who guided us
there. And he wanted to go there with Rosário and Albertino.
The night before the accident happened, I
had a dream in which Rosário and I were in a public place with João
Mateus, suddenly, as we were getting on the tram, we got in and I
noticed that João Mateus was left behind… Rosário had no action and, up front, I talk to the driver explaining
that my son had been left behind and he says “oh, now it takes 1 month
to locate him” and I respond “Hey, there’s no need for that, I
know where he is” and I left. I found another tram and tried to catch it ,
but as it wasn’t his stop they didn’t give me a ride. The dream ended
there.
On the trip to Belém, on the morning of the accident, he asked “Shall we take the tram?” and I replied “No, let’s go to school”.
The main teacher of the school group
was on leave, tired and I had been talking the day before with her
assistant who was now looking after the group with another school
assistant. That morning, the morning of the accident, I had a meeting
scheduled with one of the School Directors to talk about my impressions.
The day before, I had sent an email to parents saying what I felt –
that the Main Educator needed help and that the team needed to
communicate more. I had already mentioned in another meeting that the
atmosphere at the School was austere, but I didn’t have the courage to go
deeper because that wasn’t my space. In my world, I couldn’t invade that space with
my boldest ideas. I always maintained contact with the group, but with
many reservations, afraid of being myself. I never had the courage to
share what I really felt with the children, and say everything I felt. I
was saying it little by little because I believed it would be a process,
but decided to ignore a lot of things that day, that with this great lesson, I
wouldn’t do. In fact, about a year ago I had a dream with the
message “Grow up, you can do it”, and I pursued that dream for a while
but I became soft again. Things didn’t go well, I wasn’t ready yet, I thought,
it didn’t materialize. Looking back, as I followed this dream, I once
again felt an enthusiasm that some time ago I was only able to feel with
João Mateus.
And that morning more children and more
parents came to help. João Mateus asked me “Are you coming to the
woods?” and I said “No, I’ll talk to Elsa (School Director).” I gave him
a kiss and he went there, full of energy.
Whenever I was at school he gained even
more confidence, and sometimes would leave the group to go further. There were even times
when, before going to meet him in the space where he was, I would
meditate a little in the woods and only then go to him. And it happened
twice that he came out of the gate and ran into my arms at the precise
moment I arrived! No need for communication, nothing… just following
what I felt.
That morning, I spoke to the Director…
about what I felt with a lot of Love. Without demanding anything, just
sharing what I felt. The entire process of adapting to the School was
slow, progressive and supported by God. I say supported by God because
it was difficult, and I didn’t give up. Something called me there… Every
day. On the first day I left João Mateus at school all day, I had a
near-death experience. It was the first detachment, in a painful and a
spiritual experience that marked my belief in Jesus Christ. I explain a
little why. That day, after dropping João Mateus off at school, I felt Jesus Christ was with me, and I put myself in a vulnerable situation,
believing in my light and in God. Maria (Mary) , Esperança (Hope) and José (Joseph) came
to help me! Manuel was also there, whose name in Hebrew means “God is
with us”. From that day on, I reached a place of truth with myself like never before, and of deep belief in something beyond this life.
João Mateus never took conventional
medication. He had Whooping Cough after that first day when I left him
at school all day. Also because I wasn’t able to pick him up that day
after the incident. For two weeks I just gave him love, affection, I
took care of him as I knew so well. Since he was born, I abandoned
everything. I was a full-time mother. I knew him very well. I created
many songs inspired by him and to explain our world to him. Sometimes I
thought that we lived the movie “The Sound of Music” every day because I
really sang a lot.
I learned from him to observe nature
and to love being in nature in silence and contemplation. Since he was
born I wanted to live all the theory I had inside me. Everything I had
ever read about education, about life, about the highest ideals, I
wanted to live with him. Everything I felt I did. I did everything I
could. I really gave my best at every moment. I learned from him to
accept mistakes. Doing my best. Doing, doing, doing what I believe in. I assume dmy authority, also with my parents! But there was still a
lack of courage to abandon the materially secure nest, very
far from the life I wanted to live. I asked several people for help but
it wasn’t timely. Perhaps I also didn’t ask enough times and with the necessary
conviction and persistence.
And his adaptation to the School
continued. Two weeks after the onset of whooping cough, I went to
speak with our doctor, who follows anthroposophic medicine, whose biggest
difference from conventional medicine is seeing the Human Being also as a
Spiritual Being. She gave us a homeopathic medicine and we both took
it. A mixture of plants that helps you to be less afraid. As soon as we got better, he went back
to school and I finally started to recover from the last two years of deep
work as a mother, and inner introspection. As we spent a lot of time in
silence and in nature, I got in touch with myself like never before.
Looking back now, I see how I was
suffering, how demanding I was of myself. And how alone I was.
Especially in João Mateus’ first two years. And the truth is that I did
what I had never had the courage to do before. I gave myself
to life like never before. With an overwhelming intensity. I started to
believe in God because it was his Light that helped me fall asleep at
night after extremely tiring days.
After going to school I started to take
better care of myself again. Giving myself space alone. Before becoming a
mother, I didn’t value silence and my space.
On that morning I spoke to the
Director. When it was over, the boys were returning from the woods. And I
decided that I didn’t want to see João Mateus, so as not to interfere
with the group, to follow my path. But for some reason I stayed a little
longer. I saw everyone coming except João Mateus. I looked at the assistant
coming over looking worried, but I decided not to get too involved, and even
gave her a little pat on the arm. Already on the other side of the gate,
I asked a mother who was following the group “Where is João Mateus?” and she
replied “Hmmmm… it’s there, with the other boys” and I trusted her. On that moment, I felt it was a goodbye. I was trusting, surrendering
to God, allowing João Mateus to live his life. I left and was undecided where to
go. My cell phone was silent as usual and I went to the city where I
didn’t hear it (cell phone). I wandered around, until I decided to go to
a restaurant and I was confirmed that it was the ideal place, as I
found a place right outside!
I remember thinking that morning “Has
João Mateus already forgotten that he is Divine?” This is because his
development and integration into Life was absolutely incredible.
I had lunch and walked around again
until it was time to take the Biodanza class. On that class,
exceptionally, there was a mother with her daughter and I remember thinking
“This mother reminds me of my slavery with my son in the first two years
of his life…”
And then, I left the class, get in the car
and looked at my cell phone – fourteen missed calls from the school… making me think
“Sh*t! What an exaggeration!" Then something in me woke up… “Hey,
something must have happened”. I felt my heart beat faster when I
realized that one of my biggest fears had happened. Yes, it was a great
fear that I never let myself be carried away by. I deeply believe that
when something has to happen, it happens. There is no chance. So I
called back and the other Director answered the phone and said crying
“Sorry… João Mateus is in the hospital”, and I heard an inner voice saying
“Hmmmm… it’s very serious, so it’s important to stay calm. Go to the Hospital very calmly, ask the Angels for help and keep your energy focused in what needs to be done. Yes, because if he's at the hospital it is because something can still be done.”
I
decided not to ask for details, so as not to get lost in my imagination.
My questions were “Which hospital is he in?”, “In normal emergencies?”,
and then said “Everything is ok Sofia. See you soon.” and there I went,
very calmly, with the necessary peace for my well-being and to not waste
energy.
I called Klaus (João Mateus’s father who lived in Alentejo at that time) and
explained what had happened, asking him to come, if it was possible.
Then I also called our doctor when I was almost arriving. As I didn’t know
what had happened, I remembered that João Mateus didn’t have
vaccinations and that if he had been punctured or something like that,
it would be very important to give that information to the hospital team
and possibly extra information that the doctor thought was ok. What the
doctor said was that they knew what to do. And there I continued,
following the signs very calmly so as not to get lost and waste energy.
This inner peace on the journey to the Hospital was the result of a lot
of learning in recent years in which I realized the total uselessness of
worrying and above all the suffering and waste of energy that worry
generates. I repeated the same mistake so many times that I had finally
learned something.
I arrived and they explained what
happened. The situation was worrying. He had drowned at school and
had spent 40 minutes without breathing, without a heartbeat. I remember
I just wanted to go to him, to see him and feel him and take action.
1st day
Wednesday – May 26, 2010.
It was the day he was two years and eight months old.
As soon as I saw him, I felt him still
present. When I started singing the song “The Moon, the stars, nothing
compares to your beauty. You were born to enchant and inspire. And say
that I love you, I love you, I love you” he reacted. His body
temperature was low, but my energy was so strong that after a short time
his body temperature began to rise. I had one hand in his hand and my other hand was on the palm of one of his feet.
In addition to this passage of energy, I
sang all the songs that came from my heart. I spoke his favorite
jokes. I did everything to bring him back. I didn’t think about
anything… And he really started coming back! When Klaus arrived, he also reacted. After a few hours he even opened his eyes again!
During breaks from work inside, I would
go to nature, be with the trees, and vent what was going on inside. To cry.
Cry a lot. Talk to God. Saying everything I was feeling. And I asked “If I have
something to say to you God, my will is for him to come back.”
Everything is
possible and I really believed that anything was possible. We spent the
night with him, me and Klaus. With spaces to rest. Well, within the
conditions of the Hospital, which only has reclining chairs and a room
with two chairs for a Service for many children. I know it has been
evolving but it has really been at a snail’s pace because the conditions
are very bad for anyone who wants to support someone who is in
intensive care. During the night, nurses also live in very precarious
conditions.
We were very hopeful that he would
return and prepared for whatever came! Yes, at that moment everything
that had separated us in recent years, me and his father, disappeared. We just
wanted him back.
2nd day
Thursday – May 27, 2010
We spoke to the doctor early in the
morning and were told that in situations like these the chance of
survival is very low and if he survived, he would have permanent brain
damage.
And it was then they decided to do a CT scan
and wham! Magic, after what happened the CT scan showed no permanent
injuries. At that time he was still breathing on his own – when he took
the exam it was without the ventilator. I passed this information on to
the people who accompanied us and it was truly the first miracle and an
immense source of Faith.
Meanwhile his temperature had gone to
fever. In the morning I started putting lemon slices on the palms of his
feet – a trick that our doctor had taught me as a natural technique to
help reduce his fever, and the truth is that he was already dancing with
his body. He was even lifting his arms and his legs were very
sensitive. The day shift nurse was a Chinese medicine student and she
taught us another trick and it worked! I felt like we were really on the
right track!
Throughout the day I asked for Support
up there and asked for Light. And that’s what I felt… I felt a lot of
light. I relived many moments with João Mateus, the good and the bad. I
thanked the good ones and asked for forgiveness for the bad ones. The
most recurrent bad scene was when I forced him to relax to fall asleep,
forcing him to be in my arms – he kicked, cried and then fell asleep. It
happened a few times, about 10 times, but they were moments that
clearly reflected my despair at being emotionally alone and taking care
of a child. Being in a house where I couldn’t relax because there were
so many things I didn’t agree with, eating sugar, watching television,
hearing 200 “No’s” in the space of one minute, anyway… and I had never had the
courage to move… because of material security. And I also remembered
how sometimes I was a tyrant and how many times he asked me for
chocolate and I said “No”. I remember talking to him in the hospital and
saying “Yes, you can eat all the chocolate you want for a day.” But of
course, the most important thing was to be with people with our way of
being and thinking. All the thoughts that were going through my head, I was aware
of them, I spoke to João Mateus and said “I always did my best. And I
will do even better. I will learn a lot from this lesson.”
From the first day we started asking several people and spiritual centers for help to send light. At the end
of that afternoon, I received a call from a friend who was in contact
with him on a spiritual level and who told me that he (João Mateus)
didn’t know what was going on. That he needed to understand. He was
asking me to talk to him.
And so I did, I started asking the
nurses and doctors what was wrong with him and explaining to him. I then
started to notice how important it was for me to have more contact with
the hospital team. How it was so important. And I also realized that no
one else could do my job. This person also said something very
important “João Mateus wants you to be present in his growth” and this
gave me the strength to start something very real with Klaus… I told him
things that I had never had the courage to say before, and we agreed
that we would do everything possible to accompany João Mateus’ growth
together. I remember that after the first conversation in this regard,
after crying convulsively and sharing myself on a very deep level, I imagined
João Mateus looking at me sideways and saying “Hmmmmm… that’s a start…
good effort! “ and I laughed!
The beginning of the night arrived, and I
was invited by the group that had been meeting outside since the first
day to sing and pray for João Mateus. I made a circle with them and it
was magical. The energy was incredible and I left there with a lot of
light and inspiration. I continued my work.
At the end of the 2nd day in the
hospital I was tired! Exhausted… It was midnight, only one father could
stay. I was craving for sleep and I remembered one of the most valuable
lessons from my Master João Mateus – going to the World also means that I have to take
care of myself, and rest when I need it. During my trips to nature, when I
thought about death, the trees danced with the breeze which, in my
experience in nature, is a confirmation of the thought, but I didn’t
want to accept it.
And with tiredness, the imagination
activated… I also began to imagine him tired and to imagine that after
such a huge trauma and having spent so much time on the other side that
recovery would be slow. I felt it was a great effort for him to continue
to receive my encouragement, songs and calls. The father stayed with
him and I went to sleep at the house of a friend of the school director.
Her generosity was impressive. It was wonderful to have slept. I was
really tired.
3rd day
Friday – May 28, 2010
When I arrived in the morning, João
Mateus was very calm. His eyes had closed again. He had a beautiful
expression. And a belly the size of a balloon. He wasn’t able to digest. That day I worked a lot and talked a lot with him. I asked for
forgiveness for everything I hadn't been able to do throughout our journey
together, and I thanked him for all his teachings. I told him mentally
everything I felt. I was very aware of everything. I helped him digest
things by doing leg exercises and putting my hand on his stomach. A lot
of work that went on throughout the night. Always explaining to him what
was going on. When he finally pooped it was incredible! The nurses who
work with this type of situation every day were amazed at the way I deal
with poop. It took two years and eight months to help João Mateus poop – he
did it without a diaper, on request, since he was four months old. And the
first time I heard his doctor say “beautiful poop” I adopted that
expression as being the most natural thing in the world! And the truth
is that he managed to expel it all! It looked like chocolate mousse but
of course the smell was horrible, especially because of the medication
he had taken in the last few days.
But let’s go back for a while -
during the day they did an MRI on João Mateus, I remember a voice
telling me “Say you don’t want any of this”, but I didn’t have the
courage to follow that voice. What the doctors didn’t understand was how
he didn’t react to his tests without having injuries. And as in
hospitals there is an immense need to follow the rush and try to explain
everything scientifically, they wanted to do the exam. I accompanied
him singing and after a certain point they no longer let me in. I felt
like something in me had broken. When he had done the CT scan they let
me in, and I sang continuously for us. It was a beautiful moment of
Faith. In the case of resonance it was a different process. I was also
more tired. Anyway, outside, I made movements and requests for help for
Angels to support him. I felt alone at that time, without the courage
to tell the doctors what I felt. I was very alone with João Mateus,
isolated from everything else. I was still very much in the role of a
lonely mother, unable to mobilize people, to say what I felt, to make
a difference, to ask for even more help, to believe in my intuition.
During the time of going to the place
where the MRI was performed, taking the exam and returning, a period of
around an hour and a half passed in which João Mateus was without the
ventilator, that is, breathing on his own and also without medication.
This time was also long because the first time we went we lacked
authorization to carry out the exam. I remember being happy but then we
went again… I felt that something would change with that exam, but I
didn’t have the courage to follow what I felt. To say “No!, let’s wait".
Also because I was already tired of the process. Something that
characterizes me, that I have been improving since becoming a mother
is doing things full of strength at first and then not being able to
maintain that energy. This was another case and another step in my
learning.
And I prayed a lot, what I felt, I
asked to sing over and over again “João Mateus’ Guardian Angel, bring
him back well” and I imagined his Guardian Angel bringing him back.
But really, after the MRI something changed.
That night we spoke to a doctor who saw
the MRI saying that they only saw damage to the brain stem, the
primitive brain. She added that the injuries were not permanent. The
result of the resonance indicated that the primitive side of the brain,
the one that takes care of the body’s basic functions such as eating,
pooping, walking, etc., had a fibroid. I explained it to João Mateus
and again my friend spoke to me and asked me to explain to João Mateus
what he could do with this injury. According to her, João Mateus was
trying to return to his body but something was different. And it was
important for him to understand what was going on and know what he could
do with a damaged body part. What I felt at that time on a deep level
was that he (João Mateus) was helping us to understand what was also
happening on a medical level and preparing us for something. On the
other hand, he was very confident because his teacher at school had
dreamed that he was in an egg and that he was trying to break the shell
to get out. At first he couldn’t do it, but then he broke the shell and
ran to me. And I stayed with him that night, doing my job of explaining
to him what was going on.
4th day
Saturday – May 29, 2010
Dawn came and we continued our
intensive process. Also with Klaus. I remembered that at one point he
was going to run away and I didn’t let him! And I was so happy that João
Mateus was making so many miracles happen. This is really very strong –
bringing the parents back together so they can finally say everything
they feel. That’s what I did, for the first time. I cleared a lot of
thoughts and things from the past in this process. I spoke, I spoke, I
said everything that came to mind!
It was the 4th day in the hospital and I
continued to talk to João Mateus about everything I felt, I continued
to ask for forgiveness for everything I had done “wrong”, everything I could
have done differently and I told him that I would always continue to do
my best and that yes, something would change in my life. I sang,
explained, spoke to nurses and doctors about what I felt, asked
questions, in short, I felt that I was a channel of strong presence in
that space so full of machines and sick children.
This day was very difficult because
João Mateus was no longer responding like he used to. The only stronger
reactions I remember were when Klaus massaged his ear. And when Klaus
sang a song, a tear fell. On that day we spoke to a Neurologist who saw
the MRI and who told us that there was no chance of him ever going back
to the way he was before the accident. I continued to be full of hope
and believe in miracles, even after this long day.
Night approached and I was very tired
again. I had to go. This time I went to a hotel close to the hospital
and as soon as I entered I saw three paraplegics in wheelchairs who were
coming from a sports competition. I immediately gained new encouragement
and thought “Yes, this could be one of João Mateus’ destiny – a
champion”. And I even imagined that it could be swimming after what
happened. And I also remember thinking that Klaus and I would do
everything to make sure he had the necessary conditions, but I couldn't imagine myself living the life
of a martyr. Nor Klaus. Nor João Mateus.
I slept and when I woke up in the
middle of the night (2 am) I called the hospital. Klaus said he had a
beautiful expression, his lips were relaxed. And I, in the room, drew a
healing drawing for João Mateus’ brain. After a few minutes Klaus called
back and I felt it wasn’t for a good reason. His tension was very low,
everything was decreasing again, including the temperature. For that
reason, the hospital team allowed us both to stay there.
I came back full of new energy and
remembered what I had done in the beginning and gave him my hands. The
temperature rose a little again. But something had changed… his tummy
was flat, finally. And the tension remained very low.
5th day
Sunday – May 30, 2010
Day of the Holy Trinity
This 5th day was a carousel of emotions
and very profound events, bathed in immense faith and dedication. It
was the day of the Holy Trinity. And one of my uncles had consecrated
him to the Holy Trinity. At the time I was far from these facts but the
truth is that I sat on the edge of his bed and asked God for a sign.
After a few seconds, his tension miraculously rises and a nurse who was
passing by dropped a tub of water! I felt the signal very strong, I had
already learned from my Master to give myself to life and to God and I
spoke to one of the directors of the School who brought together the
group that had been meeting at night since the first night in the
hospital and with whom I had already danced and prayed, and I asked
her to call all the people who believed in miracles to come… it was
around 10 o’clock and they started to come… I felt a lot of energy and a
lot of Love. The feeling was beautiful! I also spoke to the medical
team and said “Ok, now we can do some nonsense. We are really in the
miracle phase.”
And I asked them to take João Mateus out of bed so that I could hold
him. And so it happened. His heart started beating faster, and his tension also
increased to acceptable levels. I truly believed that anything was possible. A
doctor who had been with him on Friday even came to replace a doctor
for a brief moment but enough for us to talk about his case and he
actually, without observing it, said that the fibroid reaches its
critical phase on the 5th day, but that afterwards it can start to
decrease. I was totally excited! Klaus found a contact for a hospital
that heals with imagination, and when he was calling that hospital
(Petrov Fund), the doctors wanted to talk to us. He looked very
different, his eyes were closed, he was no longer breathing on his own,
anyway. I remember that before I started this conversation I had a top
on and something in me blocked me from wearing that top without a coat. I
feel like it was at that moment that everything changed. I was, due to
tiredness, and also past beliefs, caring about others. Letting myself be
influenced…I wasn’t yet prepared for a miracle like this. And then, the
doctors spoke about the importance of making a decision regarding the
possibility of donating the organs. This is because according to their
tests, everything indicated that João Mateus’ brain was dead.
And so I asked God for a sign again,
sitting alone on the edge of João Mateus’ bed. And Klaus comes, with a
message from a medium (Sílvia) from a center in Switzerland who had been
sending light, in a group, to João Mateus in the last few days. The
message was: “I’m doing great now. My current state allows me to do
optimal service to humanity. I want the group to think about my parents
and send them comfort. Sílvia tells them to sing a song for my parents:
Ámen, Ámen, Ámen. They will understand.”
For me
this message was goodbye. And I accepted and went to the group that was
outside singing and shared one of my Master’s teachings from recent
years “It takes as much courage to continue as sometimes to stop” and I
vented what was in my soul and the group took a new direction:
supporting the next phase with all our dedication, Love and devotion.
We decided to donate the organs and at
10pm he was transferred to donate his heart to a baby in Portugal and
his liver to a baby in Spain.
For me, this time in the hospital was
the perfect time to say goodbye, for conversations, for everything that
was done. Looking back, I was just living every moment, very intensely.
Without thinking. It was a precious time. I am very grateful for
everything.
My prayer for the trip that João Mateus
made to the place where the organs were removed and also feeling the
journey of the organs to the various locations was “that this donation
brings inspiration and hope to whoever is involved in this process. Amen
(may this or something better happen).”
After saying goodbye to him, we went to
a place near the sea and Klaus and I slept all night. Before we had a
conflict where he was running away again and I asked him to stay! We were
really tired!
The next morning I saw, for the first
time, a light moving up in the ceiling, aligned and in tune with a ringing in my ear . It was beautiful…
I went down to have breakfast and at a
key moment I heard the song “Hope I live to tell the secrets I have
lived until now, or they will burn inside of me”, and I realized that I
didn’t want to do much more than continue the blessing of life sharing
my life lessons.
That day I asked José to make João
Mateus’ coffin – a boat and I asked Maria to make a white tunic for the
body on the day of his homage and cremation, having the intuition that
it would be on the day of the Body of Christ. All of this came to me
very naturally! The 1st person I spoke with was my Uncle José who said he didn’t have
time to build the boat, the 2nd was my Uncle Manuel who was left thinking,
and then I remembered José, the gardener who took care of the School’s
garden and who helped to resuscitating João Mateus after he drowned and
"Plim", as soon as I told him about it, he said it would be an honor. And
he made the boat at the School… so beautiful… with our help (mine and
Klaus) and with the help of several parents in the final sanding phase.
The day it was prepared coincided with the arrival of many parents at
the school for a meeting. The moment was magical. No words were needed
for everyone to understand what that little boat was.
Maria is Maria do Rosário, Rosarinho
from the beginning of this story, João Mateus’ grandmother who at the
end of the task said “This was the most difficult task you have ever
given me”. The truth is that the tunic was splendid. But I’m already way
ahead.
The day after João Mateus’ death, on
the day of the Holy Trinity, after having made my requests to José and
Maria, I went to rest during the day and at the end of the afternoon I
went to the school directors, a teacher and another mother and we stayed
together for the night.
We talked about a lot. The Truth came
to light. The mother who had told me that João Mateus was in the group
knew that he had already run away. And the assistant teacher also knew
it, but they didn’t tell me anything that morning when I was still at
school. I felt peace knowing it, and knew we would talk about it soon.
One of the School Directors also told me that on the day João Mateus
drowned, a friend of hers had dreamed that she received a message on her
cell phone: “João Died” and the dream was so real that when she woke up
she went to see if she had this message on her cell phone. She had this
dream without knowing anything. A friend of mine also felt at that time
that João Mateus was no longer on Earth, without knowing anything. For
me, these testimonies are proof that we really are capable of
communicating telepathically and that we are all connected. It was a wonderful night. In the
morning we went back to school and Klaus also came. It was a wonderful,
splendid sunny day. Happiness was what I felt that space was emanating.
José started building the boat that day.
Klaus and I had already thought about energetically cleaning the space where João Mateus drowned. We went there and felt a lot of
tension. We spoke loudly, released that tension, looked at each other,
undressed and went swimming there. They had already emptied the tank and
it was almost full again. As soon as I fell into the water, I saw an
eagle in the sky, feeling immense happiness. For me, the eagle
confirmed that Klaus and I were able to see this whole situation with
eagle eyes, from a different perspective than other animals that live in
contact with the land. A very different perspective. And we swam, we
had fun, we danced in the water and at one point I remember feeling like
a dolphin. And, for me, this was the best cleaning we could have done,
for us, for João Mateus and for the space. Then we said a prayer with
incense. Well, Klaus did that while I climbed a tree to eat medlars.
They were the most delicious medlars of my life!
I remember thinking at a certain point
that it was even possible that João Mateus’ drowning had been very
peaceful, nothing like what I had imagined in the Hospital.
Afterwards we had lunch with the school
team that was cleaning, and then we went to rest. It was in this moment
of rest that I reviewed the days in the hospital and wrote down dates,
signs, in short, much of what is factually described in this story.
The next day, Klaus and I worked on our emotions a lot. We talked a lot with one another.
In the afternoon we went to the School
and, in the woods, we spoke to the people who were with João Mateus on
the morning of the accident. We reviewed everything, and I felt immense
happiness that the truth had been spoken without fear of judgement.
Without fear that we would blame them for what happened. The assistants
didn’t say anything to me that morning because they believed they would
find him as was customary. The truth is that I believe that we speak
with our eyes, and I consented to everything, and I didn’t feel guilty
because I always did my best and wanted to get on with my life. At that
time I was so blind that I couldn’t imagine a life different from the
traditional city life where the children are in their gilded cages, and
we pretend that it doesn’t matter because we have our challenges. I
accepted everything. I understood everything. It was a very beautiful
moment of deep sharing and, I believe, with great potential to transform
our lives in a luminously permanent way.
Then I felt like I was supposed to be
alone. Confirmation arrived that the cremation would take place on
"Corpus Christi" day and I spent the night alone.
Thursday – June 3, 2010
God’s Body ("Corpus Christi") Day
Body Cremation Day and Tribute to João Mateus
When I woke up, the information came to
me that no priest should be present at the tribute to João Mateus
before the cremation. I spoke to Albertino, raised my voice until he
listened, and that's how it was decided.
I was the first person to arrive at the
cemetery and went to talk to the people who take care of the cremation
space. I found out what I had to know, spoke to some people who were
arriving and thanked God that Albertino was taking care of the
bureaucratic details.
The cremation was in the olive groves
cemetery, the place of olive trees, a tree that symbolizes peace and I
went to sit in the shade of one. Drinking water. Albertino and Rosário
and a few family members accompanied the body from the Institute of
Legal Medicine to the cemetery. It was wonderful to have the company of
my friends in the olive tree while I waited for them and Klaus.
And then… the body arrived in its
little pine boat, the body dressed in a white cotton tunic, splendid,
with fresh flowers around it. One detail, the body could no longer have
the Light of João Mateus inside. I felt this deeply. I naturally found my space in the room, with Klaus on my side and his daughter, Jackie, on
the other side. We did a meditation with the help of a dear friend, and
then people started arriving.
Initially I felt that this could be a
moment of great atonement for the pain of the people who were there, and I
started to sing intuitively, without thinking about anything other than
light. The songs were the ones I sang in the last few days alone, and
with the group that had followed the process and sung every day near the
hospital. It was beautiful… I said everything I felt on a deep
level. How I saw his body. Klaus also said what he felt. We sang more.
And sometimes Albertino also said what he felt and I just asked for help
up there... the feeling was wonderful. I felt so much Light…
And the time came for the body to be
cremated and I asked people to sing a song that talks about going to
paradise in an indigenous language “Noiana noia nanoiana” and the truth
is that we sang, then we went outside, we sang, we danced , with the
heart… and when we finished, intuitively, the ashes were ready to be
taken away. It even coincided with the intuition of burning cedar to
cleanse the energy of the place. It was perfect!
And then we went to a place to lay the
ashes. We did it in a group, next to rocks, in the sea. At the last
moment I cried. What was left of João Mateus was completely surrendered.
A very special friend who was present
at the tribute sent me a message a few days later: “Hello my love, I
have no words… even today my tears flow, not with sadness but with
happiness, even today I am on cloud nine, never before earth had been
before similar masters, similar wisdom… what magic, João Mateus
performed true miracles I felt the presence of Jesus the entire time, I
describe how I saw him with his arms wide open to the air, all dressed
in white from his neck came a veil between brown, beige, his face showed
enormous joy and gratitude, as if his lips were showing gratitude for
something like this happening on earth, João Mateus brought healing,
brought new hope and just like Jesus did, he gave his earthly life to transform. I loved listening to João’s father, I loved listening to you, I loved everyone, my gratitude in words is not enough.”
And it’s true, that day, just like the
days before, I felt loose, free, with the courage to be what I am,
without thinking. This match helped me realize that it is possible for
me to be genuine and courageous, especially when I just follow my heart,
the Boat of Love.
A few days of rest followed with a
group of friends in Alentejo with the help of the Angels, and I returned
with Klaus to one of the most likely places where we conceived João
Mateus. To write, meditate, close a cycle in consciousness, Peace and
Love.
Something that has helped me A LOT
throughout this process is food. I follow a Macrobiotic diet at the
moment and my awareness remains quite high. The most emotional moments
are when I’m tired and need my space. Thanks to João Mateus I know
myself better and better, and I know what I need. I accept everything
that comes from me and remain very alert and attentive. I’m at
Service. If anyone wants to hear me talk about this story, with the aim
of helping parents or people facing the process of Death, Departure,
Returning Home, whatever you want to call it, I am available.
Before this passage, I wanted to write
and give myself to the World but I didn’t know where to start, something
was missing… a piece of the puzzle…
Thank you João Mateus, Great Master. Thankful for everything. Thank you Life. Thank you God.
I discovered that after accepting all the suffering, only Light comes, A LOT OF LIGHT.
About me:
Pilgrim of Life. Passionate and at the
same time conscious woman. Girlish attitude and timeless wisdom –
playfulness and serenity in one person. I have lived and undergone many
transformations throughout my life. And I also have many beautiful and
wonderful moments. I found a path of deep spirituality and I am on this
path of awareness and acceptance. I want to learn to fly by continuing
to walk through life, sharing my life lessons with anyone who wants to
hear them.
Why this testimony?
I was a full-time mother for two years
and crossed the desert, gaining great maturity. After eight months of
adapting to the School, “my” son decided to leave.
I wanted to follow my path and he followed his. He escaped from the Golden Cage and flew up there.
In João Mateus’ departure experience, I
felt like a Channel of Light from the Divine World to others. And I
felt the presence and Help of many Beings of Light.
And I continue on the Path of Light, practical and spiritual, Forgiveness and Gratitude. Serving.
My experience with Reiki marked me in
two very strong moments, after becoming a mother. In reiki 1 I received a
very powerful and very clear message from God for me and my process:
“Whatever you do, you will always have one more opportunity (a second chance)”. In reiki 2 I received the message, also
very clear, from my Higher Self “Go, continue your work of helping to
build Paradise on Earth”
"All Paths Lead to the Heart"
